I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
is wine microwaveable?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
