my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
