Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
