You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
