carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm passing your future prison.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
