Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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