I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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