at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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