tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
