I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Randomize
