No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
