Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
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