About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
