spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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