I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
