Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
