And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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