Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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