There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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