You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
