It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
