Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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