I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
