Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Are we still banned from the library?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
