turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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