ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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