i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
