yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
