the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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