i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
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