the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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