i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Randomize
