plz talk dirty to me
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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