how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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