If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
