a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
