You made me cry and you don't even care
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
