it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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