Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
