I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
