gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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