I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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