We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
