Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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