Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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