Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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