Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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