Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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