after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
