Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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