dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Can I color on your dick again?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
