don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
