i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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